he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
