Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
BRING THE BAGELS
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
