I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
