my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize