I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
