i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
