I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My vagina is very pro this idea
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
