We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
