hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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