shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
