remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
