Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
