Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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