When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
