I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
