grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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