Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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