I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
