Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
