You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize