Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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