Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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