I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
