I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
