They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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