Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
