Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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