Don't you send me to vm
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there's paper in my vomit.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
