Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I forget how to act sober
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