in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
