I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize