There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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