I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im six kinds of drunk right now
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
