why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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