I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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