i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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