If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
