I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The adults are the big ones right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
