Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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