Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bring me that man meat
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
