my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
