you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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