Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
