the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have fence marks all over my body
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
