I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
