i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize