I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
