Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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