does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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