First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
