You smell like stripper and shame
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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