Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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