Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
