dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize