i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
