they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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