I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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