I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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