A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
