You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
