Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
