I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
