dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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