Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
