I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
