you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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