Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
