Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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