sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
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