I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
