doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
