Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Holy sore nipples Batman
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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