You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
