So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
