My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
