dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
