perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
