Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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