Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
