found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am available for nakedness
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
