It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
