it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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