Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
