No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
