Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
