DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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