conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
