he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
