dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
