I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
