The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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