why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
