using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
