I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Operation Purity has been aborted
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
