You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
