There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
