I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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