You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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