I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
