he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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