do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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