It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
