still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
