I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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