ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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