she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want her autograph on my taint
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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