Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
