We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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