I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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