I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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