Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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