Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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